How To Deal With Finances In Marriage: 4 Important Tips

Imagine with me two armies coming together over a valley rich in resources. The pasture is fertile, plenty of grass for both armies, there are orchards of apple trees, the water is pure and sparkling. There is room for both multitudes of people and horses, yet the commanders have grudges and preconceptions. Peace talks are tried, but they fail miserably. Horses are mounted, swords are drawn, and the battle is about to begin.

No, I’m not talking about a new fantasy novel that I’m writing (though, that might be a good introduction). I’m talking about dealing with your spouse about money. When a couple gets married, they both have preconceptions and ways of dealing with money. One may be a spender, one a saver. Getting rid of debt might be the goal of one, yet the other doesn’t care if they spend money they don’t have.

How To Deal With Finances In Marriage: What You Need To Know!

Here are several things that have helped Brianna and I with our discussions about money. They can help you too!

1. Get on the Same Page

This means you need to figure out your differences and make a solid commitment to change the way you deal with finances in marriage. First and foremost is to remember this money, regardless of who makes it, is both of yours. Start using the word “Our.” It’s our debt, our income, our cars, our student loan, our future. Second, make some compromises: If you’re a spender, this means you agree to have a limit. If you’re a saver, this means you actually loosen up and spend some money. Realize that you need to include your spouse in most financial decisions.

Brianna and I both had debt when we entered marriage. We made the decision to proactively change the way we referred to the money. We have a joint checking account and have made sure we remember that everything is ours.

2. Dream Together

The future is wide open. If a couple will talk about what they want to do, in regard to finances, this will align their hearts together and go a long way to unifying their views of money. Talk about why you’re paying off debt, the giving you want to do, the house that you want to buy. Talk about starting a business. Be open about your dreams and listen to your spouse’s dreams too.

This was one of the first things Brianna and I talked about. It was one of the topics we used to get to know each other during our courting period. We have dreams of giving, dreams of owning our own house, of ministry and doing things together. We also have a dream of celebrating when we get debt free and have the money to save: We want to go on an Alaskan Cruise. Yep, It’s a big dream, but it’s what we hold out to motivate us.

3. Take Action Together

This is the hard part. This is the commitment to sitting down and making a budget (or a cash flow plan if you prefer to call it that). The nuts and bolts of dealing with your money. Find out who is more inclined to crunch numbers (Dave Ramsey calls this person a nerd. I prefer the term organized. Grins). That person takes the responsibility to sit down every month and make that spreadsheet where every dollar has a name.

Then you have a meeting. This is where you have to make sure you communicate well. Each spouse has a voice and can give their opinion. Once you make your decisions on where the money goes, each spouse has to stick to it. The envelope system really helps in curbing spending; something about parting with cash hurts.

Brianna and I have figured out a good system for our budgeting. Since I’m the more detailed person (at least in this regard) I’m the one who makes the spreadsheet. On the last day of the month, I have every dollar assigned from that month’s income.

Then we sit down and talk about what the budget looks like. Sometimes I have to move some money around, because I didn’t know we were getting low on toilet paper or detergent. That’s why we talk about it. Since we’ve been doing this for almost 6 months, most of the amounts and categories stay the same, but occasionally we’ll add or remove a category. The goal is to be flexible while we talk about the budget. Then we stick to it through the whole month.

4. Pray Together

Remember, you’re dealing with God’s money, not yours. If you both take the time to set aside the worry about money, remember that He has your back and cares deeply for you, then that allows for a huge weight to be taken off.

Also, pray about the little things. Brianna will regularly ask for sales and cheap prices for the items on her grocery list – and God answers! There’s many a time she’ll come home and tell me that she found everything on sale and spent way less than she estimated.

Being married is a good thing and as a married couple our financial journey can be exciting and joyful. Enter into marriage as a team and not as opposing armies. Imagine the valley you will have to enjoy . . . together.

How do you talk about money with your spouse? What preconceptions have hindered your communication? Leave a comment below, won’t you?